


Live Another Life

by DarkFlowerDreaming



Series: Home and Happiness [1]
Category: British Actor RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Depression, M/M, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-21
Updated: 2013-11-21
Packaged: 2018-01-02 07:14:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1053994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkFlowerDreaming/pseuds/DarkFlowerDreaming
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki gets banished to an alternate Midgard after 'Thor'. There he meets a certain Tom Hiddleston, but will this mortal be able to make the former god happy?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Live Another Life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Batsutousai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batsutousai/gifts), [Alate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alate/gifts), [Lokesenna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokesenna/gifts).



> Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Marvel. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. The character of Thomas "Tom" Hiddleston is based on a real person, and no offence is intended.
> 
> Thanks to Batsutousai for betaing.
> 
> This is gift for Batsutousai , WeHappyFew and SayMyName because they are the ones who inspired me to write angst ;P (And a bit of smut.)

It had been a rather busy day at the little, family-run bookshop he worked in. The summer holidays were coming up and people were looking for books they could take with them on their trips. But now, less than one hour before closing, the shop was empty save for him and the owner, after a small summer rainstorm had mostly cleared customers. 

Loki was restocking the tables with the bestselling romance novels, since hordes of middle-aged mothers had decimated the books that had been laid out there. He did not expect more customers that evening, thinking that the late hour and the now mild weather would make people more likely to stroll through the park or some such, rather than buy books. 

“Loki, can you close tonight, please?” his boss called out. “I need to pick up something before I head home, and I have to do it before closing time.” 

“Of course. See you tomorrow then,” Loki responded a little absentmindedly, but not unkindly. The owners and the other employees that worked here had rather grown on him. 

Having been banished to an alternate Midgard after destroying Jötunheim, in hopes he would 'gain similar insights to Thor's, he had been forced to find work in this strange city. London, it was called, was far from the place Thor had ended up in on the other Midgard. This time, the Allfather had taken some precautions so Loki would not get caught up in legal matters, and had provided him with proper papers, some money and even a place to live. 

With his magic sealed, though, the Trickster had to find a way to live among the mortals, and this entailed a job. He had been glad to find the shop, even if he had to deal with people, since he was surrounded by books all the time and could even use slow times to catch up on his knowledge of this “Earth”. 

After having finished with the tables, he returned to the register to begin cleaning the counter. The main cleaning was usually done in the mornings before opening, but without a customer in sight he figured he might as well start now. At least it would help pass the time until he had to close. 

“Excuse me...” Loki jumped and whipped around to see who had managed to sneak up on him, assuming a slightly defensive stance. When had he become so careless? Few people had ever been able to get close to him without him noticing before. 

When he saw that it was just a customer, he forced himself to relax and started to say, “I am sorry, I-” He stopped short when he got a good look at the man’s face. He looked just like him, save for the colour of his eyes and the hair, ginger instead of black. 

“I’m really sorry, I know you’re closing soon, but could you help me look for something, please?” The customer had apparently not noticed their similarity, or was not fazed in the slightest by it. “Um, are you alright? You look so surprised...”

“Ah, I’m sorry, you just startled me... What can I help you with?” Loki decided to let it slide, he could brood over this issue later. “What is it you’re looking for?” He forced a smile, there was no need to be rude.

The other man shuffled around on his feet a little. “Um, you know... I need a present for a friend of mine, whose birthday is... tomorrow. I completely forgot about it, and I didn’t get out from work until now, so... yeah. I wanted to get her some poetry, do you have anything like Rilke or maybe even Schiller? She’s very fond of German literature.” 

“Uh, I can show you the poetry section, but I’m not sure if we have... Rilke or Sh- Shiller, or something German at all. Follow me please.” 

The god had not had time to learn much about Midgardian poetry, much less from countries other than England. He just hoped the customer would spot something he knew or thought fitting. And not force him to pronounce the name correctly. 

Once at the proper shelf, the man quickly found a small book containing a selection of apparently lesser known German poems with English translations. After deciding it was perfect and exactly what he had had in mind, the ginger followed Loki back to the register, paid while continuing to thank the god far more than was necessary or decent for just leading him to a shelf about 5 meters from the counter (albeit around a corner) and eventually left, smiling happily, just before it was time to close the shop. 

Loki had been a little dazed by the other's appearance, and stayed very quiet for the rest of this (for him) strange encounter. Snapping out of it, after the customer had left, Loki locked the door and counted the money in the register, continued to clean a bit and then went home to his small flat. 

The rest of the evening, he mulled over the physical similarities to the human, but ultimately decided it was either coincidence, or, seeing as this Midgard had no corresponding Eternal Realm, the version of “himself” roaming this world. How that mortal could be so different from his own personality, however, he did not know. 

The next months went by without the man returning to the shop, and eventually Loki forgot about him. 

 

The second time Loki saw him, it was Christmas Eve, and the shop was again mostly empty, not even many desperate last minute present shoppers were in. The god had volunteered to work that evening, since he did not celebrate Christmas, and even if he did, he had no one to spend the feast with anyway. At least the books would give him a little company. Around 7 o’clock, the last customer had finally found something he thought would please his wife and, after he had paid, Loki thought he would have the rest of the evening to himself. 

He had just settled behind the counter with a book on diseases and their healing methods in hopes to maybe find something to help with healing spells, should he ever regain his magic, when the doorbell chimed and somebody entered the shop, accompanied by a swoosh of cold air. Feeling mildly disturbed, Loki looked up, his breath hitching a little when he recognised the customer. 

“Good evening, how can I help you?” He wouldn’t make a fool of himself as he had done last time. “Some emergency shopping again?” A small smile curled his lips. He hoped the other would remember the last time they had met. 

A look of faint puzzlement and then recognition crossed the mortal’s face. He returned Loki’s smile. “No, not this time, I’m afraid. I’m looking for something for myself. I finally have some free time between Christmas and New Years, and my small library needs to grow a little.” He definitely did not spare strangers with details from his life, it seemed. 

“Of course, what are you looking for?” Loki had gotten up from behind the counter, anticipating having to lead the man around again. 

“Well, I’d love to look at your classic literature; you just can’t have enough of it, can you?” If Loki had not seen it, he would have sworn he could hear the smile in the other’s voice. 

He led him to the corresponding shelves, waiting to see if he needed further help, but after thanking Loki the mortal quickly became completely immersed in finding something he liked, so Loki excused himself and returned to the register. 

As it was obvious that he had some time before the other needed to pay, the god returned to his book. He could not really get into it, however, as the other’s unsettling similarity to him was still mildly disconcerting. By the time the customer came to the register, Loki could not remember anything he had just read. 

During the transaction, the man basically squealed about every one of the about ten books he had selected, providing the Trickster with extensive information on the authors, the time period the books either took place in or were written in, or anecdotes as to by whom and why the books had been recommended to him. Loki did his best to nod politely and agree in appropriate places. After centuries of practising small talk in Asgard, that should not have been a hard task, but the god found himself distracted by the man’s enthusiasm, the way his eyes lit up and his whole being just seemed to glow with anticipation of finally having time to enjoy reading again. 

After the books were paid and properly packed into various bags the mortal produced from his coat pockets, he noticed that it was past closing time. Immediately he began apologising profusely, catching Loki off guard yet again. This only served to confuse the god, since this man who shared his face seemed to have an uncanny ability to do just that. He eventually managed to politely usher the man out of the door, assuring him it was alright, he did not mind being in a few minutes longer (he had nothing else to do anyway). 

When he was finally alone, he quickly got to work on cleaning and closing, pushing the thoughts about how fascinating the customer was from his mind. Once he got home, he tried to wind down after a quick meal. Wanting to avoid watching TV or listening to the radio, he decided to continue his book, but again failed to do so. His mind kept straying to the mortal. In the end, when he decided to get some sleep, he spent the better part of the night brooding on his reactions to the other man. 

After Christmas Eve, Loki had no work, as the shop was closed over the holidays. Now, without the distractions provided by work, the Trickster had more than enough time to muse over the fact that had brought him to these circumstances in the first place: His attempt to destroy Jötunheim and his fight with Thor. When he had hung over the abyss, realising what he had done, that he really was a monster for doing it, he had contemplated letting go, ending it then and there. But something had stopped him, although he never understood what it had been. 

In the end, he had been banished to this Midgard, so that he might come back wiser. What nobody, not even Frigga, managed to get from his mind though, was the self hate he felt. He was a monster, both in body and in mind. He had lost all ambition to hurt others again, and the only thing that kept him from hurting himself – apart from his love for his (adoptive) family (for some reason he could not get himself to hate them), and the knowledge how sad it would make Frigga - was that strange feeling, as if there was something that wanted, needed him alive. So he carried on, for reasons he did not understand. 

 

Over the next three months, the customer frequented the shop more often, and he would always strike up a conversation with Loki, or at least tell him a bit about himself. In that way, the god found out that the other’s name was Tom (or rather Thomas, which Loki preferred), that he was an actor, and that he had a fondness (to say the least) for Shakespeare and puddings of all kinds.

Loki found that he, in turn, grew more fond of Thomas every time they talked. When the actor did not visit the shop because he was just too busy, Loki had to admit (albeit very grudgingly) that he missed him. No matter what foul mood the Trickster was in, Tom would always lighten it with a comment or an anecdote from his workplace. Eventually, Loki started to get sad and irritable when Tom was absent for too long. 

Getting along so nicely with Tom helped Loki feel a little better about himself and the life he led now. He finally had something to look forward to besides the quiet hours of his work, even if this new thing still involved the shop. 

 

The first time that the time between Thomas’ visits exceeded the usual one to two weeks, Loki found himself becoming uneasy. After five weeks, during which he tried to justify the actor’s absence with his work, a small voice in the back of his head started to whisper, “He finally saw how pathetic you are. What were you thinking, getting so attached to a mortal? You don’t have friends. Why should he come back? There are enough other bookshops around here. Fool.” 

Loki tried to block it out, but it became more difficult with each day that passed. After all, he had finally found some hope that maybe things really could get better, but now he felt even more alone and hopeless than before, if that was even possible. His days had returned to bleak emptiness, as now neither his co-workers nor the books could console him anymore. 

A very small part of him tried to fight this feeling, still clinging to the hope that Thomas would come back, that the mortal had just forgotten to tell him he would be gone so long. This part of his mind kept believing that he had found a real friend in Tom, not somebody who merely did not mind his presence. Surely, Thomas would not have come so often just to browse the shop a little without buying something, if it was not for his chats with Loki? 

But even more time passed, and Loki felt worse and worse. It became so bad that eventually, after about two months of Thomas’ absence, the shop owner sent Loki home for a few days to sort himself out, as Loki’s sad and sometimes angry behaviour had led to complaints from some customers. 

So Loki burrowed himself in his bed for days, not once bothering to get dressed or to eat, since he did not see the need to. When his doorbell rang after four days of fear and self-loathing, anger and loneliness, Loki did not answer or even bother getting up. The ringing did not cease, however. Instead, after some moments, it was accompanied by wild banging on the door and muffled calls. Loki intended to ignore it at first, but when it became apparent that the person at the door would not disappear, Loki decided to deal with it. He did not want trouble with his neighbours, after all. 

Once he had dug himself out of his blankets and had opened his bedroom door, he recognised the voice from outside his flat, which was still insistently – and almost pleading and desperate, now – calling what sounded like Loki's name over and over. 

It was Tom. 

Loki stopped dead in his tracks. It could not be. Thomas did not care for him, why would he be here? He did not even know Loki’s address! But the voice was unmistakably him. After a few seconds Loki went towards the front door. Now he could understand what the mortal was saying: 

“–please open the door! I know you’re in there! Loki, come on! Answer me, please!” He definitely sounded desperate. “Loki, open up or I’ll call the police! Or I’ll just... I’ll kick the door in.” Loki did not need to be a master of lies to know that Thomas had not really meant the last part. But still, why was he so desperate? 

“What do you want?” Loki’s voice was cracked and rough from disuse, but he still managed to snap at the other. 

At first Tom did not even notice Loki’s question, but then he made a sound that Loki interpreted as something between a relieved sigh and a strangled sob. “Loki, please let me in. I have to talk to you.” 

Loki was torn between letting Thomas in, and telling him to leave him alone. In the end though, his loneliness and curiosity won. Perhaps he could at least get a reason for the actor’s absence from him. Or let out his anger and frustration on the mortal. He opened the door to let the other in. “Where did you get my address from?”

“Your co-workers recognised me and gave it to me,” Tom said as he was led into the small kitchen. If he hadn’t been so hurt, Loki would have offered him tea. (Not that it really mattered, as he had not bothered with grocery shopping for the last few days and had run out before.)

“Loki, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I would be gone for so long. I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone about this role, and I forgot to tell you I’d be in America for it. Your boss said you’ve been acting strangely and became sadder each day I didn’t show up. I’m really sorry if I hurt you.” Tom was babbling now, making it almost impossible for Loki to follow. 

While it eased Loki’s mind a little, he was still wary. He could not tell if Thomas was really telling the truth. When his emotions were as confused as they were now, he never could, and he had been hurt by people who he had thought friends far too often before for this reason. 

Tom seemed to sense the Trickster’s uneasiness and stepped towards him, opening his arms a bit. “Please, Loki, I really am sorry. I don’t know how to prove it to you, but please believe me!” He took another step forward, motioning to embrace Loki. 

At first, the former god flinched away, an insult on his tongue, not used to this kind of attention since he had been banished, but then he gave in. He somehow knew that Tom would not try to hurt him. 

It felt strange to be hugged by another man in this way. Thor rarely hugged him and – the few times it had happened – Odin would only ever grip his shoulder. This embrace was more like the ones Frigga had always given him, arms wrapped around him and her warmth against his chest, instead of smashing his face against armour, in Thor’s case. Tom was taller than Frigga, so both men were face to face, but it still made Loki feel as though he were in his mother’s arms, safe and warm. So he leant into the other man shyly and hugged him back, unable to stop himself. 

It lasted longer than most embraces Loki had witnessed between men here on Midgard. He had learned that they were usually kept short as to not appear “gay”, something heterosexual men seemed to be incredibly frightened of. Loki, however, did not mind being held like this that long, it felt too good. What he did find strange was that Tom continued to apologise, apparently now for something more than just forgetting to tell him about his absence. It had Loki confused, as he could not remember anything else the mortal had done wrong. 

“Thomas, stop apologising. It was not that bad.” The lie sounded more insulting than actually intended, and was not a good one, given the state of the former god’s appearance. Tom had still not let go of him though, and now the hug began to feel just the tiniest bit uncomfortable to Loki. 

“I’m sorry. For everything.”

Now Loki was genuinely confused. He broke the hug to properly look at the other. “What is wrong with you, you oaf? You forgot to inform me about your role, nothing else.” Biting his tongue to stop himself from uttering further verbal abuse, he waited expectantly. 

There was a strange look of sympathy and knowing in the mortal’s eyes, but Loki did not understand it. There was no way Thomas knew about his background, right? When the actor did not offer any further explanation, the Trickster reluctantly decided to let it slide and to attributed the other’s behaviour to his usual habit of apologising all the time. 

After a short, but not awkward, silence, Tom asked if Loki would like to come to a small party some of his friends were giving in order to celebrate his return. He did not say it, but Loki did hear the silent, “You need to get out more.” He decided to humour the mortal. After all, he could always excuse himself if it became too much. He was not that fond of feasts, but he found that he craved Thomas’ presence. So he attended, after a much needed shower, and he actually found that he had fun. The actor’s friends welcomed him with open arms, though some were a little startled by his similarity to Tom. 

 

For the next year, whenever he was in town, Tom took Loki to parties or showed him the city. Once, he even dragged Loki to the coast, where he all but forced him to swim in the cold water. It turned out that Loki rather liked it, whereas for Tom it was far too cold to be really enjoyable. During this time, Thomas did not spare the god from an abundance of hugs, and he made sure that Loki knew he really was his friend. 

Loki found that confusing but also strangely endearing. He had a great deal of fun with the mortal and grew to like him even more, not that he would openly admit that. 

One evening, they were sitting on Tom’s couch, watching The Red Dragon, something Thomas had insisted Loki needed to watch (as he had done every time they watched a film together before). While Loki found the psychological depths of the movie interesting, he could not really follow it that closely. Not because he did not understand it, but rather because Tom had crossed his legs under himself, and his knee kept brushing the outside of Loki’s thigh. 

Loki could not concentrate on anything else but the contact. It was nothing new for the actor to sit like this, and it had never bothered the god before. Yet, now he could not stop thinking about it. He didn’t know if it was intentional, though he could not find a reason why it should be, or if the other was completely unaware of it. Given the mortal’s tendency to give many hugs and constantly touch the people around him, Loki tried to let it slide, but every time it happened again, he jumped inwardly. He tried to gauge Thomas’ reaction by tentatively brushing his hand while both grabbed for some popcorn, but the other did not react. In the end, the god shifted in his seat, away from Tom, and once he had made sure that this also caused no reaction, he could finally watch the movie without being distracted, though he had missed quite a bit of the plot. 

 

After this incident, Loki became more aware of Tom’s touches, voluntary or not. Additionally, every time the actor got close to him, Loki would feel a strange warmth in his chest that he was unable to identify. He also found that he started to blush faintly when he saw Thomas smile or laugh, or when he saw his blue eyes twinkling with happiness over something, like a sunny day, a nice cup of tea, or just life in general. 

For a while, the god tried to fight these reactions, but the joy he felt when being with the mortal was just too strong to stop them for long. He discovered things which he never took note of before about the other: his scent when they hugged, the small crinkles around his eyes when he smiled, and that his left eyebrow seemingly had its own will. (How he had overlooked that before, he had no idea.) 

Even though these reactions were strange to the god, he eventually accepted and even anticipated them, although he tried not to show them all openly. With time, however, he wondered why he had even started to feel like this in the presence of the actor. It had not been like that before the incident. Loki could not find a suitable explanation, but he was too shy to ask anyone about it, still wary of rejection and hate. 

On a quiet day in the book shop, Loki decided to glance through one of the popular romance novels, intent to find the reason why they were selling so well. The story was straightforward: a wealthy, attractive man had just moved into a small village, and every single woman tried to make his acquaintance as soon as possible. After reading a few pages, Loki was about to shut the book in frustration, but he caught some words that made him stop. Intrigued, he read more, finding that the main character’s fascination was described similarly to what he felt when he was with Thomas. 

What did that mean? Certainly he had not fallen for the mortal, right? He was a friend, nothing more. (Even that was actually more than Loki thought he would ever have, especially now that he knew what he was.) Thomas did not know his heritage, thankfully, or he would surely shun the former god.

Some customers came in and interrupted his train of thought, and for the next hour Loki had no time to return to such gloomy thoughts. At the end of the day, he had forgotten all about the book, and as the notion of love was too disconcerting for the Trickster, he’d pushed it from his mind. 

 

A couple of days later, he and Thomas were sitting in Loki’s tiny kitchen, eating something a cookbook Loki had picked up declared as “Paprika Pork Casserole with Rice” and chatting over this and that. When they were done, they put the dishes into the sink and went to the living room. On the way there, Loki managed to trip over his own feet when he turned to return to the kitchen, having remembered he forgot to make tea. Unable to regain his footing, he fell into Thomas, who was walking behind him, in a motion that would make every romance novel protagonist jealous. Immediately, the other broke out into a string of questions, radiating kindness and concern, asking if Loki was alright, if something was wrong and then, when the former god did not make a move to lift his face from where it had landed on Thomas’ chest, wondered aloud if Loki had even heard him. 

The latter was absolutely mortified that he had tripped over his own feet, but when he had realized the position he was in, he blushed lightly at the closeness to the other, to his heart. He could feel it beat against his cheek. When he caught himself concentrating on the feeling and quite enjoying the strange closeness, he jumped upright, jerking away from Thomas.

“Of course I’m alright, what do you think? Do I look like I need help from you?!” Loki snapped, deeply confused and pride hurt. Immediately, he regretted his reaction. Although this was the way he usually responded in situations like this, he had rarely done it while on Midgard, too depressed to actually care most of the time, and he had never reacted that harshly to Thomas before. 

But the mortal just looked at him in concern, though he showed little surprise at Loki’s outburst. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to imply...” He trailed of, looking like he was at a loss. 

The former god huffed, trying to calm down. Eventually, he just went back into the kitchen without a word, and only came back out with two mugs of tea in his hands. The silence that followed was awkward, and after some failed attempts at conversation Loki grudgingly apologized to Thomas, who immediately beamed like a child getting its favourite candy, telling the other it was alright. 

After that, they went on as usual, chatting, watching TV, and just hanging out. But when Thomas had gone home and Loki was lying in his bed, trying to sleep, he could not help contemplating what had happened. Why had he lashed out that much? Why did Thomas not seem to be overly bothered by it? And, most importantly, why had Loki blushed and enjoyed being so close to the other, though hugs between them were common? 

“You are in love with him. Isn’t it obvious? Gawking at him like the maidens do at Thor, blushing in his presence... Stop lying to yourself, Trickster...” a small voice whispered in his head. 

Loki tried his best to ignore the voice, trying to think of something else, but his thoughts always returned to Thomas. When he finally fell asleep, it was with the mortal’s smiling face on his mind. 

 

The latest developments still could not make Loki fully accept that he might be in love, but they led to the former god closely examining what things he allowed Thomas to do that he wouldn’t allow anyone else. There were the hugs (when had he got used to those?) and the days spent talking (he had never really had that in Asgard) and Loki’s willingness to attend parties with Tom (he had hated such things in Asgard). Yet, while it was uncommon for him to do this, he just figured it was because he was trying to fit in, and that it was coincidence he found Thomas so nice. He desperately tried to justify his behaviour was not being dictated by love. 

 

“Loki? Loki, you know, mate... You know you are very important to me, right?”

“...What?” Loki was taken completely off guard by Tom’s words. He had been busy trying to figure out the secret ingredient of the food Tom had made for the two of them, and had not even realized he had been spoken to at first. 

“I said that you are very important to me.” Tom’s face was sincere, which was the only thing that stopped Loki from lashing out. Instead, he just looked at the mortal a little dumbfounded. Where had that come from all of a sudden? While Thomas often tried to cheer Loki up when he seemed sad, the former god had given him no reason to do that right now. Also, usually Tom’s attempts were less serious than such a... confession. 

“Why are you telling me this?” Loki asked, confused. 

“Because it’s the truth.” Thomas looked up from his lunch, his expression open and honest. 

Dumbfounded, Loki stared at him, unsure what to say. In the end, he settled for a simple, “Thanks,” and continued with his meal. The remaining time they spent together that day was nice, but there was something unspoken looming over them. 

 

That evening, Loki lay in his bathtub, contemplating what Tom had said. Could it be that he felt more for the former god than mere friendship? He was (innocently) touching Loki more often than his other friends, and then that confession earlier... 

The more Loki thought about the mortal’s behaviour, the more he found other things Thomas had done that the Trickster now found quite... endearing. Little smiles that seemed for no one but him, words of encouragement that always seemed to be whispered into his ear while being pulled into a tight embrace when he needed it the most. It was like the mortal was the only person who understood him; Tom apparently had a sixth sense for these things. 

Loki’s mind wandered and he remembered, or possibly realized for the first time, how nice the mortal smelled, of soap and the slightest hint of cologne, how warm and safe and good Loki felt when being near the other, how fond he was of making him smile. He remembered the sound of the other’s heart when he had fallen against him, how he had lost himself in the sound. The former god’s hand slowly wandered and he imagined breathing in Thomas’ scent with closed eyes. 

Careful, as if the long time of self-hatred had made his body unknown to him, he caressed his torso, his imagination easily replacing his own hands with Tom’s. His breath hitched, and he thought he should feel ashamed, but his body longed for what it had been denied for so long. The bolder his moves became, the more he could feel himself grow harder and he started to moan softly. He could hear the soft murmur of Tom’s voice, encouraging him, telling him to touch himself. When he finally gave in to his need, it took nothing more than a few strokes of his cock and a few flicks of his nipples for him to come, the bliss washing over him, leaving him soft and pliable. 

After he had caught his breath, he finished his bath and stepped out of the tub. When he retired to bed, he felt strangely calm. His resolve to find an explanation other than love had crumbled, and while he still did not know whether the mortal had feelings for him too, that revelation, strange and unexpected as it had been, felt liberating to him. Rare as it was for him to admit to his own feelings, he felt all the better for it, and he slept soundly for the first time in months. 

 

Following this incident, Loki grew a little more confident in his feelings. While he still hid them, not knowing how Tom would react, he did not fight them either, and he continued to look for little hints from the mortal, anything to go on about his emotions. Yet, he could not find anything that was really telling him something. Most things could both be explained by Thomas’ overall cheeriness or by him potentially having feelings for the former god. So in the end, Loki decided to be more pro-active. If the mortal would not confess, Loki would, and he had grown confident that Tom was reciprocating his feelings, he just needed a push in the right direction. 

 

However, Loki did not want to rush things, especially since he still felt some lingering doubts overshadowing his confidence, as well as his usual hesitancy to admit his feelings to anyone. After a few missed chances, due to either Thomas distracting him, or Loki being too afraid, the perfect opportunity arose.

They were on their way home from a party Tom's friends had arranged on the evening before he had to leave for the promo tour of his new film. Both Thomas and Loki had decided to walk home, taking the longer route through a park before they had to part ways. 

It was the last chance for Loki to talk to the other in person for a whole month, so he decided it had to be then that he confessed. They had spent the minutes before in amiable silence because neither had wanted to spoil their last bit of free time together for a while. 

Tentatively, Loki looked at Tom, who seemed lost in thought. "Thomas, I..." Loki trailed off, unsure how to do this, his silver tongue unable to provide the right words. But now he had the mortal's attention, Tom having stopped and looked at him expectantly. 

So Loki swallowed his fear and blurted out, blushing violently, "I'm in love with you!" There, he had said it. 

Tom looked at him, apparently trying to decide whether he had heard right. Then, after a few seconds, a look of sympathy appeared on his face. 

Unsure what to make of this, Loki rambled on. "You always seem to understand me so well, and with all the hugs and smiles and you said I was important to you... I feel so good and warm and... and safe when I'm with you..." Norns, why did Thomas not answer? 

“I just thought you would... feel the same for me...yes?” Loki was pleading a little now, needing a reaction from the actor. He hoped that Thomas was just overwhelmed by his confession. 

But the other just started to look a bit sad. He took a step towards Loki, reaching out to him, but stopping himself before he could touch him. 

“Loki, I... I’m sorry.” Tom looked away from the tears that had begun to form in Loki’s eyes. “You are a friend to me, a very close one, mind you, but... I don’t love you. Not in that way. I’m sorry.” 

“But, but... You are always so kind to me, so understanding, I thought... I... You...” Tears were now flowing freely down Loki’s cheeks. He had become so desperate for what he hoped Thomas would say that he could not stop them after this answer. His heart shattered. “Why, why were you always so nice, then?” 

Tom now looked as miserable as Loki felt. “I should have told you, I’m sorry... Loki, I know who you are. I know about Asgard, your family, your heritage, the things you have done...” 

“...What? How... No, no, wh-“ Loki was frantically searching for a sign that he was just dreaming, anything. Thomas could not possibly know! He had never told anyone! There was no SHIELD on this Midgard, so how...?

“The movie I’m going to promote tomorrow, it’s called Thor. It’s about what happened when you interrupted Thor’s coronation and the consequences... I did not know it when I saw you for the first time, but then... We are just so similar, there was no other explanation. The way you seemed so confused by some things, the way you speak sometimes... At first it was strange, because in the movie you...fall from the Bifrost, but since you are here, with a job, I don’t think that really happened, right?” Tom could not see to stop talking, leaving Loki to fight his way through what he was hearing, trying to make some sense of it. It could not be. It just could not! 

“Ugh, I’m so sorry, I should have told you from the start, but I knew what you had gone through, I didn’t want you to reject me, so I...I wanted to become your friend, to make you feel accepted, and to learn about you... Loki, I’m so sorry.” 

“Then...you only got close to me to study me for...for your movie?” Where he had felt his heart breaking before, Loki only felt empty now. Once again everything he loved turned out to be a lie. 

“ No, Loki, listen, please! I’m your friend just not your lover, okay? I’m not into men, Loki, please believe me!” Now it was Tom’s turn to be desperate. He moved to embrace the former god, but Loki evaded him.

“It’s okay, Thomas, it really is. You can stop lying to me now...” 

“I’m not lying to you, please believe me! When I said you are important to me it was the truth! And not because of the film! Loki, listen! I really am your friend!” Tom was practically shouting now. 

Loki wanted it to be true, but being betrayed so often by Thor’s friends made that so hard. Thomas had always been so kind and understanding, so different from the Warriors Three and Sif, but was he really honest? Loki could not tell. He just wanted to get home and burrow himself in his blankets, hide away from the world.

“I...I’ll try to accept it, Thomas, but... It’s so difficult.” More tears now, on both their faces. Loki turned to walk away. “I’ll be going home now, okay? I need to be alone. I’m sorry.” And with that he turned onto another path through the park, away from Tom. The actor tried to call him back, but he could not find anything to say that could have made it better. 

 

Loki felt strangely detached when he finally arrived at his flat. He knew that the pain was still there, but for now he was numb. So numb that even the scroll that was lying on his bed, sealed with the emblem of the All-Father, could not instil fear in him. He debated with himself whether to read it now or later, being decidedly not in the mood to deal with it, but in the end he opened it with the knowledge that putting it off would certainly not be helpful to him. 

The scroll was written in his mo- the Queen’s handwriting, but it bore the heavy, hardly refined words of Odin. It had been decided, after careful evaluation of his life on Midgard, that Loki had been granted permission to spend the remainder of his punishment on Asgard, confined to the palace, but absolved from his banishment. The decision of where to stay lay with Loki, and if he wanted to return, he need only call out to Heimdall. 

At the end, there was a short passage that differed from the rest. It was a note from Frigga, saying that he was missed, and that she would love for him to return. There was nothing on Thor’s or even Odin’s feelings towards him mentioned, however.

Loki, still numb, contemplated his choices. He could stay where he was, on Midgard, with a job he did not hate, nice co-workers, and, if he allowed himself to think it, people he liked, who called themselves his friends, the most prominent of these Thomas, whom he loved, even if it was not returned. 

Or, he could return to Asgard, his “home”, where the people he had once called family waited to bind him to the palace, where the guards would undoubtedly sneer at him, at what he was. Where he would probably suffer more cruelties from Thor’s friends, and where the people would outright hate him for being a monster claiming to be one of them. 

The choice was really not hard, was it?

**Author's Note:**

> Did I mention that I have plans for a sequel? ;) 
> 
> Also, I know Odin is a dick in canon, but I kind of want a happy ending? ;_;


End file.
